When I started this blog way back in the year of our Lord two thousand and thirteen, it was mostly a dedication to my celebrity thirst. Well, hop in your time machine because we’re about to go back in time to that time with a brief lesson in why Marlon Brando could get it any place, any time.
I mean, look at him! Tell me with a straight face that you wouldn’t still do open-mouth kissing with his eleven-years-dead corpse:
Making him even more perfect is that he was on record as loving fucking CATS. Look at these two fuckers, just hangin’ right out:
Marlon would be like, “What record should I listen to, cat?” and he wouldn’t just wait for the cat to affirm his own decision, he would really listen.
Marlon wasn’t threatened by the incredibly erotic nature of cats, he was enthralled by it. He gave cats their smooches where God intended: RIGHT ON THEIR TINY LITTLE MOUTHS.
This photo was taken after Marlon arrived to a movie shot and the promised on-set cat was actually not available. Surly!
A PA tried to improvise and get him this dog. I’ll let Marlon’s face do the talking on how he felt about that bootleg shit.
Fortunately, thing returned to normal. But Marlon and his cat wrote a strongly-worded letter to the production company.
This cat was originally cast as a glass of scotch but Marlon wouldn’t budge on signing the contract without having the wisest of beasts as a pet for this classic scene.
Marlon shared his love of botany and the outdoors with this cat and then she shared her knowledge of astronomy when it got darker. They lived as equals.
Marlon Brando may have been a real piece of shit person who degenerated into a ranting pile of calcified sentient partially hydrogenated oils in his old age, but we can remember the good times when dude was speaking our language.